Note: Unless explicitly stated on CriesOfTheGoth.com, please refrain from making assumptions about my partners, Sara, Angie, Kate, or me, Kissra. We appreciate your respect for the clear boundary I maintain between my business life and my private vanilla life.

Demystifying My Personality in My “Vanilla” Life: Boundaries and Reality

My life is structured around clear, non-negotiable boundaries, especially concerning my work in the adult industry and my personal, “vanilla” life as a committed lesbian in a polyamorous relationship. This article is intended to correct false assumptions and clarify my approach to personal interactions.

The Misconception vs. The Reality

Many people who meet me, often through my life partner, Sara, learn about my, and my polycule’s, involvement in the adult industry since 2002. They immediately form a false image, particularly since I am the only one who still maintains adult industry work (virtually) and role-plays a Mistress/Dominatrix in person.

It is crucial to understand:

My in-person role as a Dominatrix and Findomme does not involve escorting or any personal sexual acts. It is strictly consensual, mutually agreed-upon fetish and BDSM play, and I am fully clothed in fetish attire the entire time.

In my “vanilla” life, which is any time you see me in person, I never discuss my business, the adult industry, or my Dominatrix role. My professional and personal worlds are strictly separate.

My Vanilla Life: A Zero-Tolerance Policy for Assumptions

In my personal life, I am a committed lesbian in a polyamorous relationship with three female partners (Sara, Angie, and Kate). My interest in men or anything that has a penis is a literal zero.

Outside of my business, my general view is one of negativity towards men who approach me with compliments or claims of “just being nice.” This perspective is born out of experience:

• Most past experiences with men in my vanilla life have revolved around individuals making wrong assumptions about my polycule and myself.
• These assumptions are often acted upon with sexual motives, dating efforts, or even grooming attempts.
• They often generalize me, viewing me as someone who would jump at an opportunity for money due to their ignorant, classist view of people involved in sex work.

The Question That Inspired This Article

Recently, an anonymous person who knows me in real life asked a question online that prompted this clarification: Why am I friendly to some people, specifically men or other trans individuals (with a penis), but not the rest?

Their observation is correct, and the reason is a direct reflection of my protective boundaries:

The men, cross-dressers, or trans individuals I am friendly with are those who do not acknowledge my existence in a personal or flirtatious way. They do not like, comment, or compliment me online. They simply ignore me totally.

I know them through my life partner, Sara Mays. They are purely her friends. Because they show literally zero personal interest in me, I like them and encourage Sara to be their friend. Their intentions are clearly and purely focused on her.

Key Takeaway: Separation is Protection

As a committed lesbian woman, I do not have, nor do I want, any male friends. My business relationships with men are confined entirely to my professional life and never mix with my vanilla life. My vanilla life is defined by any in-person encounter outside of a pre-vetted, secured appointment.

My strict vetting and business approach, which includes requiring a chaperone until I know a client well, is necessary because of the negative experiences I’ve had when people ignore or try to cross my boundaries.

My partners (Angie, Kate, and I) are fiercely protective of Sara. She is our soulmate and made unimaginable sacrifices for us before her transition. We view any shift in focus from her to one of us as disingenuous and potentially deceptive, especially as Sara navigates a vulnerable time in her life.

Our Simple Rules for Respecting Boundaries

To stay on my good side, including Kate and Angie’s, follow these simple rules:

• Never assume anything about us. We are likely very different from anyone you have met.
• If you have a penis, do not compliment us on our looks or try to be friendly. We will never reciprocate.
• We have experienced so many negative interactions that we will never give you the benefit of the doubt.
• The only way for us to see you in a positive light is through consistent actions and pure intentions towards our partner Sara over time.

If we begin to initiate conversation and become friendly, it is because your consistent behavior has earned our trust, not because of how “nice” you are.